A marriage retreat with Fr James Manjackal – when the enemy strikes at unity

Fr James – a priest who reminds me of Padre Pio

For me, Fr James Manjackal is something more than a preacher.

I look at him and I think of Padre Pio, of whom I was always afraid, and who is now the Patron and Guardian of our home.

Not because I want to force a comparison on anyone. But because I see a man deeply marked by suffering, by prayer and by spiritual struggle.

A priest who has himself passed through illness, a coma, immense bodily suffering and imprisonment, and who still proclaims Jesus and his love for us. A man who speaks of heaven, hell and purgatory not as theory, but as someone who has touched the border of life.

There are priests in whose presence the air begins to tremble, and you simply know that they are filled with the power of the Holy Spirit!

Fr James came to Poland once again, leading married couples – and our own marriage – to the foot of the Cross.

We were meant to be there together

On Friday we were supposed to travel together.

A retreat for married couples. Prayer as a married couple. A blessing for our marriage.

And yet, just before we set off, a sudden and urgent work situation came up for my husband. He had to stay and help a client. It could not be postponed, because data will not wait to be protected.

I went alone.

I prayed again for the two of us, for our intention, touching my wedding ring again and again. At the time, though, it did not occur to me that this was the first day of difficulties, and of a new experience of the evil that lies in wait for our unity.

Because when a married couple wants to stand before God together, very often a struggle begins over whether they will stand before him at all.

Words that struck like a tornado

On Saturday something happened that I had not expected.

Someone I had not asked said words to me that shattered my peace in an instant. And who is the father of confusion, fear and disquiet? You know!

I will not go into detail. That is not the point.

The point is that moment when a single sentence can get right under your skin. When a heart that came for grace suddenly begins to tremble. When, instead of focusing on Jesus, you start analysing, going back over it, explaining it to yourself, parrying the blow. Wondering whether what you heard is from God. Whether Jesus would have said it that way.

Like a tornado.

And in a moment we were to go forward for the blessing of our marriage.

The blessing

And then something happened that is hard to describe without emotion. A real rollercoaster.

Fr James blessed us as a married couple.

In that single moment all the turmoil, everything that had been trying to distract me, lost its meaning.

After the prayer I told Father about a dream I had had after our first retreat.

When I heard back then that we are his children, I thought in my heart: but he does not know me. I am new here.

And then I dreamed that I was walking behind him in a white robe, in a procession.

I told him this.

Fr James laughed. He embraced us and said:

„I love you. You are my children.”

I do not know whether such words can be received by the mind alone.

I think they have to be received with the heart.

Eliza, you are full of grace

After Holy Mass there was prayer for healing.

During adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, Fr James spoke words of discernment and prayer.

Before that weekend I had even thought to myself that my name is difficult to pronounce. That if any names were spoken aloud, mine certainly would not be among them.

And yet it turned out otherwise.

I heard:

„Eliza, you are full of grace. Do not doubt it.”

And again — love! The certainty that what had happened a few hours earlier was a trial. A burning fire meant to put me on my guard, so that always and everywhere I would be immersed in the God of freedom, peace and trust.

Where there is fear, God is not there! The evil one comes suddenly, blasts everything you believed in and were sure of, and leaves you like that. In chaos.

With God, it is always about your heart.

About that moment when a person knows that God sees them by name.

Not in general.

Not in the crowd.

By name.

The renewal of vows we never reached

The next day we were to travel together for the renewal of our marriage vows.

And again something happened.

One small movement of my husband’s brought back an old spinal injury. The pain was so severe that he could not travel.

And then I understood that a battle for our marriage was being fought before my very eyes.

I did not go to the retreat the way we had planned.

There was no beautiful picture: husband and wife together, side by side, everything perfect.

There was prayer in our parish church, for us, for our marriage, an act of renewed entrustment.

And a great peace came. The peace of God!

„Look how the evil one hates your marriage”

Later I talked about all of this with a priest.

About the obstacles.

About the words that had shaken me.

About the fact that whenever we were meant to be together, something kept separating us.

And then I heard a sentence that has stayed with me very powerfully:

„Look how the evil one hates your marriage.”

Not because we are a perfect couple.

Not because we have been married a long time.

But because whenever we fall, by the grace of God we get up again. Together. Strong with the power of Christ our Lord! With the power of the Sacrament of Marriage, with the blessing of God himself.

And where there is grace, there will always be a struggle as well.

Marriage is not a romantic decoration

More and more I understand that my marriage is not difficult – it is especially loved and chosen by God, and that is precisely why it is so hated by evil.

It is not a holiday photograph.

It is not a shared mortgage, a house and children.

Sacramental marriage is a covenant.

And that is exactly why it comes under attack.

Through exhaustion.

Through duties.

Through pride.

Through things left unsaid.

Through words spoken in excess and silence that lasts too long.

That is why you have to fight for it.

Not against each other.

Together.

Before God, with God and in God.

A retreat under the patronage of Fr Stanisław Papczyński

On the first day of the retreat, the relics of Fr Stanisław Papczyński were carried into the hall. The one who intervened personally in the conversion of our marriage. The one who obtained for us the grace of confession and of the purification of our marriage. What a grace it is to be in the Father’s house, among the Friends of God!

This retreat was not what I had imagined.

We did not travel there peacefully together.

We did not live through all of it together.

There was no perfect scenario.

But perhaps that is exactly why it was real.

Because God did not step into our ideal version of the weekend.

He stepped into the chaos.

Into my husband’s work.

Into my disquiet.

Into the words that hurt me.

Into the pain in his spine.

Into the lonely drive to church.

Into the blessing.

Into a name spoken aloud during adoration.

And straight into the heart: „Do not doubt, you are full of grace”.

Be of good cheer

The motto of this retreat was: „Be of good cheer”.

And only afterwards did I understand how much it was meant for us.

Not as a pleasant consolation.

But as a summons.

Be of good cheer when the plan falls apart.

Be of good cheer when you cannot travel together.

Be of good cheer when someone shatters your peace.

Be of good cheer when the body refuses to obey.

Be of good cheer, because Jesus really is in the middle of all of it.

Not outside it.

In the middle.

Lord, protect our marriage

After this retreat I feel a sense of triumph within me. I have come to know the enemy tangibly. Not my husband, but that adversary at our side who prowls like a lion, looking for anyone to carry off.

I am filled with gratitude.

For Fr James.

For his prayer.

For that embrace.

For the words that came exactly when I needed them.

For priests who see more than we do and who serve in spite of pain and of being misunderstood.

For a marriage that, despite the obstacles, still walks towards Heaven!

Lord Jesus, protect our marriage.

Protect all marriages that are trying to find their way back to each other.

Protect those who are weary.

Those who have almost stopped talking to one another.

Those who would like to say „yes” once more, but do not know how.

And teach us to fight not with each other.

But for each other.

Amen.